Friday, November 18, 2011
My Blog is now entirely about Jet Li
I noticed today that, by far, the most popular blog post I've ever written is the one featuring a shirtless picture of Jet Li. I can only assume that people LOVE to read my writing about this handsome, lithe man. What can I do but give my fans what they want?! My friend spavis recommended I add Ryan Gosling to the mix. So I did.
"Jet Li awoke in a dimly lit room. He was not afraid - he had had his fear bladder removed, long before he had ever become Jet Li. It was his people's way, and not to be questioned.
Still, he was concerned to find that his hands were tied (with rope) and that his body was contorted (also by rope) into a strange position.
'Someone has positioned me like a chair,' he said in perfect unaccented English. He was alone, he did not have to use an accent.
'That was me Ryan Gosling," said Ryan Gosling as he entered the room, sliding down a firepole. He was a celebrity, and rich. He also had a racecar bed, unslept in. Jet Li couldn't see it, but he could tell from Ryan Gosling's swagger that it was probably very comfortable to sleep in his racecar bed.
'Ryan Gosling prease untied me,' said Jet Li. He was embarrassed that Movie Star Ryan Gosling had heard him talk without his accent. He felt shame.
Ryan Gosling laughed and took off two of his shirts. 'Your accent doesn't fool me Movie Star Jet Li. I am still going to make you my chair.'
Jet Li tried to stop this, but he was hypnotized by the sight of Ryan Gosling's abdominal muscles that rippled through his final two remaining shirts. Movie stars often wear four shirts, for safety.
Jet Li knew he could dodge bullets, snakes, and thrown or tossed knives. But he could not avoid the sight of Ryan Gosling's thousand abs.
Ryan Gosling rested his b*tt on Jet Li's back. They were both wearing expensive pants, made by tailors. The pants felt good.
'You are my Cuddlechair Jet Li.' Ryan Gosling sounded self-assured but not arrogant. He had figured many things out, you could tell.
Jet Li had fallen asleep. He had four dreams, none of which he would remember When he woke up Ryan Gosling untied him and they watched some movies together. They decided to be SECRET FRIENDS and celebrated with Movie Star Kisses, which are secret.
Then the storie ended."