Monday, November 14, 2011

The Skyrim Experience, Minute by Minute

My friend Sarah asked on Google Plus whether people had been playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. This was my response, re-posted here out of mad egotism.

I played Skyrim for..... thirty minutes, I think?

Five of those were spent looking around, unable to move, while I listened to generic NPCs talk on a cart.

The next five were spent going into the Skyrim prefs file and manually editing it to try to make the mouse less laggy.

The next five were spent plugging in an XBox controller to manipulate the menus, since the mouse wasn't really cutting it, while trying to figure out which "Jaw Depth" setting would make my Khajiit look most like Roast Beef from Achewood.

Minutes 16-20: Trying to pick stuff up with a 2-stick controller, swearing.

21 - 25: Realizing that every time I want to change my inventory, I have to open the initial "Cross" menu thing, and then select multiple sub menus. Also realizing that, for me at least, the mouse controls in the menus were not especially responsive.

26-29: Spent thinking about whether I really wanted to spend my time wrestling with these viscerally unpleasant controls just to explore a world full of beautiful scenery, indistinct characters, and not-particularly-compelling quests (See also: Oblivion, Morrowind).

30: Uninstalling Skyrim.

Minute 31: Playing Super Meat Boy, sighing contentedly."


  1. you suck idiot.. go and play kirby's world.. or maybe it will be too difficult for you..

  2. Ha, I love that the message you took from this was "Skyrim is too hard for me," especially given the difficulty of the game I played instead...